On Marriage and (having) Children

This has been coming a long time but like this and many of my other writings, by the time I decided on writing, everyone else has either written on the same or the topic is now redundant. However, the recent Jennifer Aniston blog post has stir in the lost and almost given up cause on this whole female business.

Let me throw out one thing out there. I’m not a feminist. Neither am I a #girlpower “Who run the world? Girls!,” squad either. What I am, is a woman (yes, I realised that I’m too old to be called girl, lol) who just gets by life with minimum effort towards the benefit of my sex because I think my tree-hugging campaigns are more important. haha. I did have a time in life where I was pro-women, let’s not marry and kill all boys days, but no longer. Tsk.

But what I am more convinced of in life rather is this whole marriage business.

Be warned though, this post would probably be filled with tonnes of disclaimers and what nots because the world is sensitive AF.

See I have come to that stage in life where I am not insensitive to the whole idea of marriage. After the whole no-marriage, boys suck (not in the dirty way, or I’m not sure if it was just me who thought that was dirty, lol) phase in life, I read Jane Austen. Still madly in love with her writing, ideas and books but not as naive or so I would like to think. See with Jane Austen I was introduced to this whole marriage of convenience shenanigans. I was part in my religious state of the day then, and this seemed like the ideal union for me. Mind you this was despite the boyfriends. Because for me, a romantic relationship was not always equivalent to marriage. Because for me, in my mind, I had to date a “bit” before getting married or whatever. Do you know what I mean? Of course, I have no qualms against those who don’t date as much but I was one of those girls who had to. But then, as I began approaching my late 20s, marriage became a thing of acceptance. It wasn’t a milestone I had to achieve, but like a university degree, it was acceptable to be married. Of course, there are still a whole lot of people who would disagree and believe that marriage is by far one of the most important foundations of life, but in reality, it is okay to be unmarried.

Just as it is okay to not have children.

See before you tell me, I am completely aware on how this being an unsolicited post coming from an unmarried, childless person but no one is listening to you just as they don’t listen to me, lol.

See what haunts me and many other women about marriage and children is mostly the lack of it. Being unmarried or childless in your 20s onwards comes with social stigma that is neither justified nor explained in means that are explained.

While it is all well and good for the world to celebrate along with you, your little victories and the joyous moments in life, until such a celebration is up for grabs, it genuinely is no one else’s business. For if a woman wants to stay the way she is, without being married or without child, let her. If it’s her money that she makes and spends it all on travelling, ridiculous amounts of designer wear or alcohol, that’s no one else’s concern. I wouldn’t want to draw parallels on what men do and all, because that’s not really what we are talking about noh.

I’m not undermining the importance of being married. Yes, I have heard for the umpteenth time the whole concern on companionship and the similar sort when you grow old.

But now that I think of it, this line of thought makes marriage sound like a pension plan.

And that’s ironic because for those of us who work on consultancies, we don’t really have a pension or backup plan, so go lol your face.

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Those of us who are unmarried or childless or plan to do so till the end of our days, are not insane or damaged. Some of us might be, irreparably, but the others simply have different priorities. It’s not as though we intend to do things differently or continue to do what we do because we want to stand out. It’s just how the world has worked for us and that’s what we choose to do.

For the parents and those behind the pressure of marriage and children, if your child is happily married or with child, trust me, the rest of the whole is thrilled for you and your child. However, what I don’t understand is this innate compulsion to encourage others to do the same. It’s as though the boat of unmarried and childless people are sinking and you want them come aboard the married with children boat or something. Let’s not even start on the pressure for the best seat and view that follows this conversion.

Also just because your child is capable of getting married, having children and buying cars and houses at the same time, do not think that all other children are able to do so too. Some of us might have other priorities and responsibilities that your child does not. 

Because just as much as children or young adults are pressurised into doing drugs and alcohol, so are parents when it comes to having their children married. Marriage and (having) children are like cocaine and heroine for parents. (that is for the parents who are not already crackheads, lol)

P.S. – Also if by chance anyone who responds positively to this post (including myself) happen to be married or will be married soon, it doesn’t mean that we are being hypocritical. It means that we take on additional responsibilities when we are ready to and not anytime before that.

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