So I was cooking a while ago. One of those blah days. Was still blah so turned to the broom and swept. I missed having her around and above all that I missed talking to a friend – like a girl friend you know, like back in the day we were in school? – so called her up and spoke for a while.
Life is punny. Been mulling about it on Gtalk with the geek boy and it’s not as though we reached consensus, no, but ruled it out as weird.
Two decades of existence and I ask myself, what have I achieved? For anyone who is reading this, I apologise. This is bound to be a very haphazard post. I can’t help it. There are so many things happening around that I am a part of and some that I am not a part of to my misfortune and your highness’s laziness.
There are days when I sit and do nothing for hours to end. I chat for a while and then go back to trying to find my favourite spot in the ceiling.
I think of times when we were in sixth grade. The phone would be engaged for hours and I would get a yelling from Mama. My bestie would call me back and then we would go on talking as though we didn’t have enough of each other during the 7.30-1.30 pm school hours. Oh it was 8.00-2.00pm then.
A few years later we start giggling on the phone and watch out for “traffic” – the arrival of parental, maternal in particular figures – and talk in whispers. We speak of – eyes dart across the fan and back – the boy we saw on our way home, an anxious meeting with a crush, a boy who might be in a tuition class or a family friend’s son.
So we turn sixteen. Then we turn seventeen. Now boys start calling. My sister had boys who called home whereas we were granted the privacy of a mobile phone. We talk with these boys for hours to end and still manage to stay awake for six hours in school with only two-three hours of sleep. Some have boyfriends, others well, not really. Ironic how some of us can’t stay awake during a lecture for forty-five minutes let alone, six hours.
School’s out and we start working. Some, start studying – my eyes move towards the bulb holders on the sides of the wall that stand naked – the others stay at home. Some get married, why I do not know. For those who enter the corporate world, we get on the phone with clients, contacts for merges, stories, deals, partnerships what not. Erikson pointed out that relationships during this stage might be problematic. Most relationships get strained. The ones with the boyfriend, tries to hold grip but eventually fails too. The lucky ones hang on, some transcend to marriage and babies. You unconsciously find yourself more attached to your parents. The silent car rides carry more weight that strengthens your relationship with them.
Then one day, you call a friend. A good one at that, just to see how she is doing. She is a “new” friend. You realise how much you miss yapping over the phone. Only difference being that you pay your bills now. This gets you thinking – there is a little partition in the wall where the suitcases are kept. What about the friends from before? You fell out with some of them you remember. The others got lost over time. You think of the awkward times you run in to them and wonder who is that with them. Some have put on weight, lost weight, had many a courtship since your last heart-to-heart.
Out of sheer frustration you realise that the ceiling does not have a spot that you can still call your favourite. You open a new tab and Google for pictures of smiling cookies as you wipe the tear running down your cheek.