I was tempted to title the subject “We” as opposed to “I” but then I thought, who was I to generalise? By failing, I don’t mean just exams – fyi, I’ve failed just one paper in my life. I know why I failed it, because I didn’t study and there were other social factors influencing this as well but, oh well – but failing other things too. But just so that we don’t get too personal here, let’s just stick to exams.
So I had this paper today right. And I did study for it. Well sort of did. I really like the paper, but then like most things in life, I prefer learning to studying. Retention is greater for the former – for me at least. But then during the paper, I fell asleep. Well not fully asleep, but I was sleepy for nearly 1.50 of the 2 hours #Kmn I don’t know why okay. I honestly don’t. I wrote something, we are not even looking at quantity lest the quality. But it did make me feel shitty, like super shitty at the end #Fml
So I come back home and cooked for a few hours. Yes felt very therapeutic. Pity I am not hungry to eat any of it. Shall save it for Sahar.
But the cooking was not enough was it. I had to write also. Aney manda.
I think this post was most influenced by that first failed paper. Or was it the band getup before my als? I don’t know. Maybe just a manifestation of all these put together to make me realise what a failed person I was in the context of academics. Ironic too given my probable-ambition. I fail to agree with Anne at this juncture. Having hopes and dreams and not having them achieved is worse than having any at all.
There is this dire feeling in me to sometimes hit teachers or academicians with my frying pan when they tell us to pay attention in class or to attend everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful to all my teachers but you must understand there are some of us students who come to class everyday and pay attention in class? Yes us. This mantra never fucking works. Pardon the French, but it doesn’t and some of us who once believed in it and acted upon it and failed, if I may add, don’t know what to do about it.