Yes, I know that I have an assignment due and I also do know that I have to wake up in the morning, Inshallah, to fast. But sometimes it needs to be written, when the moment arises, know what I mean?

I just acknowledged it while talking to a friend. I also realised that until it is articulated – spoken or written – one would never truly acknowledge or admit it.

I finally realised that not all things in life cannot be planned.

There, I said it.

However, that does not mean that you shouldn’t have a plan. You should. Regardless of whether you stick to it. It’s one of those self-fulfilling prophecies you need to keep yourself going, works for me at least. I need to have a plan. I need to have a daily plan, monthly, quarterly, so on and so forth. It’s not an obsession, though it might seem to comprise compulsive tendencies, just that I don’t rely as much on my memory and secondly, the written word works better for me. The latter might be a result of my sheer acceptance of Colonialism and the prominence of the written as opposed to the spoken word.

So here I stand, at twenty-one-and-a-half-years of existence, not knowing what I want to be when I’m older.

I don’t have an ambition.

I don’t care if it may seem as though I will my life haphazardly.

I do know that studying after graduation will not be priority because, after all, a girl’s got to fend for herself.


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