It’s weird to be blogging so much, especially in the middle of exams but sometimes when you feel a blog, you need a blog.
The title is not to be misinterpreted as something of deep meaning with nuances that are above the average person’s comprehension. Instead, I try now to encapsulate the promises we give to ourselves and that of which we fail to keep.
I say with much shame that I have been anything but prepared for these exams and I don’t know why. It couldn’t have been the Production as work came to a halt following the funereal. I suppose, it has turn to utter lack of motivation and enthusiasm. I cannot help but draw a correlation to my present state of hopelessness and despair to the Erikssonian theory that applies to those of my age. Since the stages tend to overlap, at present I presume that I belong to the stage that acquires the virtue of fidelity and speaks of the emergence and discovery of an identity or worse, results negatively in an identity confusion. I think I’m inclining towards the latter.
The first exam went not-so-well and I will never forgive myself for the pathetic answers that I never want to sight again. However, I told myself that day that the next paper would be better because I would prepare for it. Clearly, that didn’t turn out too well either.
The trouble with growing old is that we tend to believe less in things that scare us and base our convictions solely on what we assume to be correct. This would also perhaps result in our sense of morality going for a toss.
For once in my life I don’t know what to do. By that, I don’t mean an immediate plan, but what I would do upon graduation. I know what I want to study. However, executing what was learnt becomes problematic. We all need something to blame for out failures in life. I’m just one among the we.