Childhood Fantasies

Probably as a result of all the developmental psychology, I tend to apply the theories to my life and see, if I too have been a part of all these teachings while growing up. I suppose I have, and I don’t know which came first – the teachings and its application or a genuine sense of confusion – but my instinct tells me that at present it is Erikson’s Identity vs. Identity Confusion that has come in to play with my life now. Yes, I know that it is for adolescents, but as the lecturer said, the latter part of one stage tends to overlap with its proceeding stage. Yes, let’s go save my ass.

As a child of four years I wanted to become the President. CBK was my role model then and as purple was her favourite colour, it was mine too – the purple three wheelers I insisted to go in! Then came the eras of the doctor, mechanical engineer, the pilot – which hung around for a LONG time -, psychologist, then after A/Ls I started working as a journalist. When I left to India last May, I knew two things: I liked to write, or rather I enjoyed writing and I like all the subjects I was going to study.

Now however, a year a little few months after studying I have realised a few more things: I still like all my subjects; I have to do honours in either psychology or literature, if not it would be problematic during post-graduation; communication, journalism and media in particular cannot be taught – the best of journalists (at least the ones I know whom I consider to be the best) comes with aeons of experience (think that applies to most professions in Sri Lanka); I am inclining towards literature, though I have no idea what I would want to do after.

One of the biggest problems I faced when I went back home was the question of, ‘What would you do after your degree?’ Clearly I don’t want to do Masters immediately. I wouldn’t mind, provided it is during the evening or weekend and I could work simultaneously. I know I want to stay in Sri Lanka, but yes there is that slight craving for London (I have no idea where that came from). I don’t mind teaching, for a while but no, not a life long career. Research? Lots of issues to deal with there.

Why couldn’t times be like that of our parents? When opportunities were limited and we didn’t have to dwell long and hard on our futures. Yes, I know I’m being lazy and irresponsible now. Everyone would be a doctor, or an engineer or wait, that is my Indian mentality coming in to play now.

Or why couldn’t we just stick to the ambitions or career choices we opted for while children? Why can’t I be the next President. Yes, you may roll your eyes.

When I was fifteen, I wanted two things in life before I turned nineteen: ten piercings and at least one published book of all that poetry. I would turn twenty-one this December and I have seven piercings and all that poetry locked away.



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