Living in Self-Denial

A new fad I begin to think. No, the new fad was the display of a phone to mess up like the phones belonging to the one too many folks I know. Getting back to the initial sentence (yes, I do have a tendency to divert), my new fad revolves around the inability and the stubbornness in accepting reality. The moronic ideology of not dealing with reality. In other words, immaturity.

However, it’s not as though I regard myself to be completely and wholly immature. That would be so bizarre. But when it comes to dealing with reality, I think I like acting immature as it acts as a shield in being able to keep things the way they are. Did I just redefine reality to a five year old? LoL.

The realisation struck when the days began to grow closer to today, June 01, the day I leave to Bangalore, India for my tertiary education. Yet here I am at 1.39 am, six hours before my flight, sitting on my bed now that the required packing of 75kgs and cleaning of the room and other territories declared ‘mine’, typing away to glory on Microsoft Word (purely as I cannot be bothered with the hassle of going online) on the still prevalent mood and composure of accepting reality.

Brainstorming for reasons as to why I yet prevail in such state, I suppose it would mainly be due to the fact of this being the very first time I would ‘live’ away from home. As my friend said, it’s not as though the flight would be for “pleasure.” Something productive is expected to be achieved by the end of it all; in my case the degree. The thought of going back to studies scares the living daylight out of me.

This brings me to my next concern. For most, it would be the issue of living away from home and managing on your own and so on. Please note that I do not intend to sound patronising in any means possible. However, as Bangalore is a one hour, twenty minute flight from Katunayake I am very much at ease of not being too far away from home. As for managing by myself, I think that shouldn’t be too much of a hassle. However, my next most highlighted concern is the disturbing thought of not being able to switch back in to ‘study-mode.’

Despite my most memorable period at the Daily FT being thoroughly educational and enlightening I personally believe that it made me ‘street’ smart, aware of what’s hot, and what’s not. LoL. In other words, it expanded my view on current affairs, business ventures and anything newsworthy. Irony is that economics which was my least liked subject in school became the area that was most spoken of in my business newspaper. Adding to the irony is the fact of me wanting to do economics as a subject at university. If they offer it as a unit, everyone knows who the first would be to grab it.

Bouncing back to the topic of self-denial, probably as Mama is coming with me to India it doesn’t quite shrink in as much as it should. Also the work load that awaits upon our arrival there does not really pave time for whining in self-pity.

1.55am and I still think I’ll come back to the room I say “Hi” and “Bye” every time I go and come back from vacation.

1.56am, I am yet to comprehend that this is no short-term vacation.

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